So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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