...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
