So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
