yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
