If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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