The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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