the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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