he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
