Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
