So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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