That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
