I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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