i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
