They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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