A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
