i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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