last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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