Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
