i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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