I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
