I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
