Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
