I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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