there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
