I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
