My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
