Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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