dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
