Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
