i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
