My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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