Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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