I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
