At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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