Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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