Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
