He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
