Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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