My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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