i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
