You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What a dumb baby whore.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
