is your mom at the bar?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
