Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
