Already got asked if we're dating
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
