that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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