I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
