This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
