So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
