Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
