Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
