ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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