i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It was confusing and full of hummus
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
